Just For Now

Just for now, you said
Just this once
Trusted friendship to be not broken
I did allow you, for you

Just that time, you wanted no one
No one, not me, first
Connotations in your voice
I should have noticed

Just then you said, it was alright
Bright, eternal, were your eyes
Your last words to me, too
With that silent scream unheard

Why did you quit, my friend?
Why so suddenly?
Leaving me feeling guilty
Forever long, forever

Life must have been gray
Else you wouldn't have lost hope
Life must have been hard
Else you would have still been here

Now, as I sit, writing this
I am heartless, yes
Since no tear is shed
For you, for you my friend

Right now, your absence
Makes no impact
For just like you then
Am here, without me, all alone

Just for now, I have said
Just this once....
And trusting me, this time
All left, leaving me alone

You never thought of me
As you took your last breath
Well, friend, here I am
Going to reach you soon

As I think of you
Pain caresses me
Yes, here I come
Make place for me ...

Without You.....

You came into my life - amidst great expectations
One look at you and my life was never the same
You took over my heart, without me wanting to
You made me care for you, expecting nothing

You are everything that I want right now
My life revolves around you
I tend to you day and night
Strangely I do not resent it

You control me, look, I have even allowed you to boss over
For without you I cannot live, my dear
When you touch me, I realize in it the pure touch of God
When you call out to me, I realize the purpose of my being

Never leave me and go, until the time comes for me to part
Do not give me the pain of being without you near
Realize that without you, I am just yet another woman
For only you give me the sacred position of a mother...

Anything can be justified.....A traitor's story

He stood staring up
As the morning mist thickened
And the sun slowly slid
Behind engulfing clouds

A month's work, to be paid off
Today was the day
And from now till then
A few lengthy hours to pass

His hut, called home
Formed a poor shadow behind him
But emphasizing as it did
His poverty, his state of life

Too many to be fed
Too less available
And as the world kept growing
He seemed to fall deeper still

The creek resounded with twitters
The morning call of life
Hundreds of birds flew up
Oh! What couldn't he give to be them

And before his mind could wander further
A call, to him, loud and clear
He knew they had come, as usual
Yet, after all these years, his fears remained and returned

Silently, without a word between them
The goods exchanged owners
Money, to him, meager
His skills, taken shape, safe with them

As he watched them walk away
Stealthily to heaven knew where
He looked at the bag in his hands
His pay for the arms and for his silence

He was a traitor, to his nation
And he helped in its destruction
Making weapons to help others prove points
All that he ever knew in life, his livelihood

That night, as he sat to eat
Beside his youngest son, he saw
The light of innocent hunger in those little eyes
And in his own, a single tear formed and that spoke it all...........

Existing.......

Feelings cemented in,
Nights of wakefulness crossed
Days of nightmares endured
Dreams innumerable, dreamed consciously

Only favors wanted given
Those resented never remembered
Actions suppressed by the mere thought
Of pains that will be shared

Stones of cults belonged to
Imbibed somewhere deep within
Passing along messages in words
Whispers spoken by the heart

Periods of moods indulged in
Never remembered long after
Forgotten with a force
Taken out with the urge to do so

Never to know soulfully
What is really wanted
What is really needed
What is really right

Just to pass on hopefully
All the days that should go
So as to exist in here
Without life, Without soul....

Within me....

Watching inside me, I realised my mistake

thinking I knew all about you

I sometimes did never realise

The pain I put you through

Sometimes happy,sometimes sad

Mostly pained , mostly humbled

Times changd to all, yet never to me

Paths crossed never between you and me

Fingers pointd in your general direction

directions given to a heart lost

my soul turned around, inside out

frantically in search

crosses, bends, corners crisscrossed mentally

never shadowed by practicality

my heart in search of a dream,

dreamt long ago, eons back,

soulmates, you and I

rushing towards ourselves

blinded by pain, caused by others

and the answer, then, in my heart arose

pains vanished never to return

failures failed to rearise

me at peace now with you

just as ever , living within me...............

All Alone

Somehow the cool waters lapping at my feet seem warm and without feeling

The froth seems to lash out a hundred questions to me

Questions that cannot be answered, questions that cannot be asked aloud

Inter woven feelings in my heart voice out anonymous words

The river is in spate, yae, for all the world save me

No way am I going to move out from there, whatever they say

The one place in here that I call my own

The one place where my heart belongs to and rests in

Anchored safely at the banks is my life

Bittersweet memories forming ropes that chain me to this very place

All my life, all my life

Where else will I live if not here

Whatever happens shall not affect me anymore

For I have come all the way round

My life has traveled the full circle

And forever shall rest here, yea, my soul

Guilt

He sat pale against the wall, a tramp
His pale self blending against the gray,
An unnoticed uncared for stranger
Not one in the bustling crowd cared.

He looked ancient,though he had seen just sixty summers,
No one wanted to spare any time for him;
Though even if one had stopped and spoken to him,
He wouldn't have heard, for he was away,far away.

In his own world of distant thoughts,those
That kept mercilessly repeating themselves
Those that did not leave him in peace
Those that haunted him time and again.

He, a survivor of a war that had rocked the world
He,who had been safe and secure in his home,
He,who had ensured that he and his family fled to safety;
He,who had been too busy with himself

Than to help that poor little boy who
one night had come knocking at his door;
Asking for safety ,ever so politely,ever so softly,
He remembered thinking how that boy resembled his own son,

Those eyes,oh how so innocent,were filled with fear,
and that quivering voice pronounced his nervousness,
"Everybody has been killed,"he explained,
"They killed my family and every other too."

Then the man understood that this kid
had run away from the next village,
The villagers having faced the wrath of the raiders
when they resisted their tyranny.

"It is this,"the boy continued,"this that they want."
He held up a shining medallion,
the pride of that village,some ancient treasure of theirs,
That had so far been in their holy shrine,now in those grubby little hands.

It was then that the sound was heard
And both instantaneously turned around,
the man knew that the blood thirsty hounds were back,
Unfeelingly,fearing his own safety,he shut the door close.

Outside he could hear the boy yelling,
the harsh voices of unseen men,
And even as he heard the footsteps fade;
Clearly, he could hear the gunshot in that night.

Involuntarily, the old man shuddered,
became momentarily aware of his surroundings;
then the pavement and the sea of people faded;
As the innocent face of the boy focused
And the ringing sound of the gunshot could be heard.

Ah! sometimes guilt ,call it an albatross,can lead to harder journeys than crime.

Silence.....

Sometimes it is wise to be silent
when life seems to be the only voice
booming around in all its vigour
sans frivolity, sans fun

when words fail
when thoughts overrule
when actions seem sudden enough to be realised
when the heart whispers afraid to be heard
mouthless souls talking words

when peace eludes, when peace succumbs
to the war occurin unknown inside
silence takes over commanding faith
and voiceless belief, since there is nothing to emote

quakes of the mind settle into even greater tremors
thoughts crash around
some submerging some errupting
and as the soul realises, the battle still remains unfought.........

Tug at the soul

Atop that silent hill, awaiting peacefully
Sit the remarks of life long gone away
Remembrances of an ancient civilisation
That flourished and decayed right there

The mountain still holding the faith
Having been the dead centre of life
Providing to all life there,
From then, onto now.....

As the climb ensues, the group of people
Delegated to find sources
That can prove plenty about the life
Move up, growing silent with each step ahead

Hours later, they reach their target
The ledge right on the crown
Of that blue black inert mountain
And start to look around for traces

Something must be there
To be found by all their science
No, after days of camping there
They return features of failure

And still all the while, when they were there
The identity that they had sought
The key to unravel the chasm of knowledge
Had been so within their reach,if only had they cared

Whatever brought them there
Whatever made them search
The same call,still echoing
If only they had listened

Rocks examined,soil tested
Trees and plants biologically dated
Land dug,specimen taken
Various geographical parameters analysed

Yet, none of them heard
The soulful call of the mountains
The voice that might have lead them
Straight to enlightenment,had they been awake

Clouded by science,crowning knowledge
Yet in their souls,pitifully ignorant
Listening through ears,seeing through eyes
Analysing using their brains, yet shut out to their hearts

Casting away haunting lyrics
Refusing the singular music
Ignoring the pained tug at their souls
Being true but not to the truth

Frightened by fallacies
Freaking creatures of life
Forever doomed to not know
The seed that began it all

Men, mighty in brawn
Doubtful at heart
Placing hope in the fickles of life
Never faith in the power of the self

Dreary bodies trudging through their doom
On and on, onto the final act
Rising up, never completely
Stooped by ignorance, burdened forever...

Simply Life

The tracks of life runneth over
From here to nowhere
Letting us remain in darkness
About the destination to be reached

Where is the end? Where was the beginning?
Never to be traced
Never to be understood
Leaving doubts about the journey

Yet, once boarded, it is foolish to let go halfway through
To stop and quit instead of stay and fight
To give up, when the challenge is to endure
Against time, fate, destiny,unseen forces, looming omnious

Meeting new people, myriad in their selves
Souls all equal, minds yet remain unset
Knowing unknowingly about others
Judging through hearts, never complete in thoughts.

Moments of darkness, Moments of despair
Moments of pain, Moments of doubts
Joining hands, hearts, minds
United the journey is undergone
Yet, arriving each to themselves, each alone........